Travel Storms and Cyborgs and the Outer Zone, Oh My

I hold a huge conceit against every movie Sci-Fi channel makes. I've tried watching the Saturday night monster flicks but I usually can't take more than a few minutes before giving up. Thus, I turned to Tin Man, not expecting them to do any justice to "The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz." I came to the conclusion after the first 10 minutes, "this doesn't suck." We're not talking Shakespeare here, but the retelling is quite inventive. Maybe I should say re-imagining because this is the Wizard Of Oz in concept only. There are little tidbits of the familiar, flying monkeys, tornadoes... that's about it. The Munchkins are more like the new Oompa-Loompas, but more colors (and pissed off); No Lollipop Guild; The Yellow Brick Road isn't yellow, and barely made of bricks; Tornadoes are for dimensional travel; The Wicked Witch Of The West isn't green or ugly, she's a hottie in a chromed out bustier and shoulder armor (and she has leather clad Nazi shock troops); Dorothy is only known as DG; No dog (yet); A town of Cyborgs; The Wizard does a show in drugged out burlesque theater; The Horse Of Many Colors is a 2-and-a-half-ton truck with every color of paint from Home Depot spilled on it; The Scarecrow, Lion, and Tin Man aren't the Scarecrow, Lion, or Tin Man; DG is a waitress like Sarah Conner. The list goes on. This doesn't make it bad at all, however. The same kind of thing was done to BattleStar Galactica and that show turned out fantastic. BTW DG is played by Zooey Deschanel, Trillion from the new Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy movie.

For everyone that plays 2nd Life news has come out recently of a creative, yet simple hack that strips you of your in-game money. You are basically being virtually pick pocketed, which is bad (duhh) because the in-game Linden Dollar which can be traded for real money. This threat to you can easily be disabled with a trip to the menus.

Other little tidbits of news have popped up. Ready for the holiday season is a quick review/reference guide to the new Star Trek novels of the season. Since we sadly have no new Trek to watch the books do provide a good diversion until next Christmas. Use the guide to avoid the few bad Tribbles in the list. The best book on the list is a Next Generation book, Q&A, about Q and some connection to Encounter At Farpoint. This is on my Christmas wish list. Speaking of books, the Barnes & Nobles on Post Road in Orange is closing and a lot of books are going on sale. Now's a good time ransack their wares.

Wizard's Of The Coast is creating an online campaign for the Star Wars roleplaying game, Dawn Of Defiance, and the first chapter of ten became available this week. The game is set between Episode III and Star Wars, letting PCs play out one of the crucial moments in the formation of the Rebellion. I haven't picked up the game yet, but maybe this Xmas/Light Day I'll get lucky.

I'm beginning to think I should have a Nintendo Wii. After watching the trailer for No More Heroes, I decided it's about time to ad this to my Xmas list too, along with Super Mario Galaxy.

I looked around for a while trying to find a descent top 100 all time anime from Japan list and I came a cross one from TV Asahi. At some point I'd like to write a review of each of the series that are available in America. Gives me an excuse to watch more anime.

#78 on IGNs list of games is Legend Of Zelda: Link's Awakening. I never had a GameBoy but I did have a Super Nintendo, so I bought a Super GameBoy. The Super GB is fantastic, stick it in the SNES cartridge slot, then put your GB game in the cartridge. The screen was a little smaller than the TV screen but you could add a border and even change the game colors so they weren't black and white (okay, black and pea soup green). Like all Zelda games before me I sat in front of it with my full attention to get all the puzzles and absorb all the game play. I never imagined, at the time, that a GameBoy game could be this deep. It took me two (2) months to complete and it's a great addition to the pantheon.

#76 is FINAL FANTASY VII. This is one of the most important games ever made. Why it's so low on the list makes me question the validity of this list. This game moved the esoteric, fan-boy loving RPG genre into a gloriously weaved story of artistic proportions. I bought a PSX just to own this game, and it was well worth it. There isn't much more I can say that hasn't been experienced/written before. My love of Square Soft (now Square Enix) began here, and it continues to be my favorite. From the pre-rendered cut scenes to random Star Wars references, this game created the standard for future installments, brilliantly leading to FFX. This game, however, created my true hatred, Sephiroth. I don't need to tell you of my love of Aris (I prefer this over the re-release Aerith). I spent so much time with her, learning the city, understanding the resistance, traveling the world. I trained as best I could to be a warrior and spurned other women in the party just for her attention. I loved her. Until Sephiroth stabbed her in the F'ING BACK and ended my happiness, forever. I hate him so much. I ruined a relationship with the girl I was seeing to kill him. It took 20 minutes and everybody I had, down to my last spell and hit point. I thought it was over. Then he resurrected somehow, and with great joy I watched his punk-ass die again. Rewind, and I get to watch him die, again and again and again. I F'ING HATE HIM. I hope I never meet the voice of him because, so help me, I'll snap. I'll have a flashback/PTSD moment and kill him. Sorry, my therapist told me not to bottle up stuff like this.

#75 is GoldenEye 007. Best damn FPS made, until Half-Life & Halo. Using only one (1) analogue stick on the N64 you could still play the game. Prior to this was Turok, but it didn't compare. GoldenEye created a polygon filled environment that just seemed right. All the weapons and enemies, and friends, were perfect. This is a rare moment when everything in development of a game meshes, creating an experience, more than a game. The familiar music and the incredible multi-player just added frosting to the 007 cake. Proximity Mines have got to be the most important weapon created for an FPS until the Gravity Gun in Half-Life 2. This team of developers would later go on to make Perfect Dark.

#73 is Resident Evil. I have one tale to tell, a listen well. At a friends house he powered up the extraordinary PSX (at the time there was nothing like the pixilated 3D worlds of Sony) and loaded Resident Evil. I was amazed at the mansion I ran around in. Trying to get a feel for menus and clunky controls I bravely walked down the corridor of doom that introduced me to survival horror. This isn't the unsettling environs of Silent Hill, RE created the in-your-face Survival Horror genre. As I walk down the quite corridor I pulled out me pistol. I didn't trust the hallway but the reassurance of a nine-millimeter in my hand was almost as good as liquid courage. I approached a window when suddenly two (2) undead dogs burst forth in shattered glass and barking and howling. I think I dropped my controller. What ever happened I stabbed every button I could in three seconds time and to no avail. The dogs ended me in no time. I threw the controller down and never played again. I thought the first movie was great. Those few seconds of horror I experienced was well put into the movie, and then some.

Here's the viral video of the week. Don't try this at home unless you're a drunk guy with a Suzuki Sidekick, and a giant dirt ramp. See you next broadcast.

"Alien vs. Predator" or "Fans vs. Brothers Strause"

Alien vs. Predator has no doubt left a bad taste in the mouths of many fans. I applaud (more a golf clap) their attempted continuity between the two (2) franchises, but I thought this was already accomplished in Predator 2 when a shot of the Pred's trophy case included a Xenomorph head. It was nice to see the A's and P's at work again, too bad they didn't do anything entertaining. I still blame this in large part to the PG-13 rating, just to make it appeal to an age group that wasn't alive yet to see any of the prequels, save Resurrection, in theaters. I still hold out hope for another good A or P movie again, so AvP-R looks like my next chance. Since it's rated R that solved one of my issues, and the previews show a number of Predator weapons used to gory effect. I'll give this one the benefit of the doubt for the time being. The above picture comes from IGN's website. Hopeful I will not incur the wrath of the Predalien for borrowing their image.

Speaking of Sci-Fi movies, a surprise entry to theaters November 12. Battlestar Galactica Razor will be seen two (2) weeks before its debut on Sci-Fi channel in select cities FOR FREE, thanks to MicroSoft. I can't remember where I read it, but it's true, if anything is to be believed on the web. And the following day, November 13, is when "The Menagerie" debuts in theaters. And on the Sci-Fi TV front more news of Star Wars On TV. The gist is this: 100 45 minute episodes (about 4 years) with a possible expansion to 400 & Boba Fett will be present. A previous rumor mill produced these gems: The series will happen between Eps III and Star Wars (I refuse to call it Episode IV); Pod Racing is back; Thall Joban (a character from Droids) will be highlighted as a Pod Racer; Rebs & Imps and the war before Luke & Leia get involved; Expanded Universe (EU) tie-ins; Bib Fortuna & Oola; Death Star Plans; the series tone should be like the Holy Trilogy and showing neither good, nor bad guys but people caught up in events. Family Guy's succesful Blue Harvest/Star Wars episode was so popular that a plan is in motion for an Empire Strikes Back episode. For those that missed the FG episode it will be on DVD by December or something. My sources are vague, and I don't really remember.

Remember when a couple Canadian Doctors quit the practice and made a game company, in 1995, that eventually spawned one of the greatest Star Wars RPGs? If you said BioWare, and their wunderkindt Knights Of The Old Republic (KOTOR), then your geek memory is fully functional. Well, recently MicroSoft (boo) sold BioWare off and they were absorbed by the forces of Sauron known as EA. BioWare (prior to the sale) has joined forces with LucasArts for a new MMO. Who cares, right? We're talking BioWare here, people. I don't think they've made a bad game yet: Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, KOTOR, Jade Empire. Rumor has it that the new MMORPG will be a KOTOR setting. The original KOTOR was so good it even spawned a comic by Dark Horse.

Tomorrow is supposed to start a writers strike, as if TV can't get bad enough. When things do get bad enough just watch Halo Landfall and imagine what the cancelled movie would look like with Peter Jackson at the helm. Once you stop drooling over the pretty weapons, look at the European Wii crossbow thingy. I want. I don't Even have a Wii and I want it. While watching CSI last night, one of the episodes with the lovely and talented Lady Heather, a reference was made to a fictitious website called ladyheather.com. I, of course, immediately checked it out and it took me straight to the CSI site on CBS. Way to go CBS for finding a way to count all the CSI fans who are perverts. I'm not a pervert, I was just curious, is all, yeah, see, yeah.

Sony keeps trying to come up with new ways to sell PS3s and a new game this month tries a daring experiment. Eye Of Judgment (in conjunction with Hasbro & WOTC) is a CCG and a Video Game, with its own included EyeToy to scan cards you have and play out a game with the 5 or 6 other people in the world who bought it. It sounds interesting in theory and I do like crossover concepts, but this thing sounds complicated. I've read some gameplay reviews and such and there seems to be a decent amount of strategy involved, but there's a lot of prep work to play this game. Booster packs are supposed to be sold separately for the CCG side of Eye Of Judgment and I may collect those as soon as I figure out who sells them. I'm really not knocking this game it just sounds ambitious and crazy. I miss playing CCGs and every once in a while I buy a pack of Magic cards to get that new card smell on me again. For those that still follow the Pokemon CCG a new set is due out soon called "Secret Wonders". I remember playing this when the game first came out and it was a little confusing, but seemed okay, nothing like the rich potential of the Star Wars CCG. A couple years back, I tried Yu-Gi-Oh, but I was not impressed and it just made me flashback to good card games I've played. I have tried Yu-Gi-Oh in several flavors (US TV and manga) and the only version I liked was the manga. It was dark, and Yugi messed with people. He got beat up at school every day and would then play a game with them to enact a sort of revenge. One dude he poured Vodka on and lit him on fire. Great stuff. I want to see that episode.

Some days I'm no good at gaming and tonight was my night. The brilliant puzzle-shooter Portal vexes me with its advanced puzzle mode. After swearing at my lack of brain power I gave up gaming in lieu of a six part Mars program narrated by Captain Kirk. Excellent show. Before I go to bed tonight I'm going to try one mission of Ace Combat 6. This franchise was meant for anyone who watched Top Gun and thought, I could do that. The "Need For Speed" of my generation was not "The Fast And The Furious", it was "Top Gun", and we needed only one, not three movies to drive home the kind of speed I need. Lets see, a Grumman F-14 or a Mitsubushi Eclipse. And don't tell me I also have Stealth 'cause I barely call that a movie. Guitar Hero III just came out and I need to bite the bullet and get it. I have nothing against the series, yet I'm reticent to drop $100 on a game I might not like. Parappa The Rapper, Space Channel 5, and Frequency all used the controller, and I wonder if I have the skill to use a fake guitar to play real music. If I can't face my Guitar Hero fear than I might as well get Naruto, which is actually getting good reviews, a surprise for a Manga-turned-Anime series. Once again, I've seen the show and read the Manga and I prefer the Manga over the watered down American version. And if I had an up-to-date PC tower (I write this on a laptop) I would definately get Crysis. It's one of those games that begs for a top end machine. Nothing like spending $5,000 to play a game. That's dedication. Maybe I'll risk a demo download.

And lastly I came across the most un-useless invention of our modern lives. For all the none of us that have an iPhone (the "i" is pronounced "Jesus") because we are too afraid to scratch, mar, or dirty the hypnotyzing beauty of the screen; that and the $10,000 price tag. Well never fear, some people with too much latex in their possession, have invented iPhone Fingers. I'm sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. That's all for now. I'm going to absorb some gaming knowledge from G4. See you next broadcast.