While playing the world's first FPS (First Person Shooter to you noobs)/Puzzle/Comedy I realized the cake was a lie. Maybe it was the hand writing scribbled on the wall, a secret communication from an unbalanced employee at Aperture Science Institute, or the passive/aggressive kindly, malevolent female voice (think a cross between Cher and Steven Hawking) of the AI directing me through each room. Image Hal 9000 guiding you through Tetris while trying to replace Discovery's not-so broken antennae, acutely aware that Frank Poole is probably dead and he's not getting any cake either.
I am of course talking about the game Portal, one of five (5) games included with The Orange Box. A shining star too short to be by itself (between 2 to 3 hours), but fits perfectly next to big brother Half-Life 2 (and it's sequels). I will not spoil anything (except the cake rumor) but the end "boss fight" is actually fun and filled with much malevolent humor. Once done, the end credit theme is the best end theme I can think of, ever, and it is done with ASCII art (circa 1980). I also completed Half-Life 2 and its sequel, "Episode 1." Now on to Episode 2 and more achievements.
MicroSoft has general guidelines about each retail game that comes out for Xbox 360, which goes something like this: (see http://xbox360achievements.org/index.php for more information) there should be no more than fifty (50) achievements per title, and developers must have 1,000 unlockable points for their Gamerscore (GS). If there are less than 1,000 points, said developers must make a download from XBL free making up the difference. Early on in this wasn't the case with release titles, but the rule holds strong now. The exception to the rule is The Orange Box, which is five games in one, so MicroSoft let Valve have 99 Achievements totaling 1,000 points. I've unlocked 47 Achievements and still have less than 400 points. Never have so many achievements been unlocked by so much play for so few points. (sorry Mr. Churchill). I was still able to cross the 12,000 GS threshold this weekend which makes me happy enough for cake.
I just saw a commercial for Guitar Hero III, which still seems like coordinated air-guitar with a prop, where the "air-guitarist" punk teen played so well that Slash (from G&R, duh) unzips the skin of said teen from inside out and keeps playing guitar. It was at once cool that Slash promotes the game (which probably doesn't need him) and sad that he needs the extra money, apparently. I guess he's in the game, but so is Eddie Vedder and he looks like a Super-Deformed Muppet, in previews I've seen, and he ain't doin' commercials. I've probably completely missed the point here so I'll just need to play it, since my buddy EmpTas (you know who you are) loves the second one.
This weekend I added Ace Combat 6 and Lost Planet, an older title, to my collection. It's a good thing I don't officially review games for anyone right now 'cause I'd be so far behind. I always get hung up on a title squeezing all the achievements I can out of it. And I want to play Front Mission for Nintendo DS (which I also bought), a Square Enix (formerly Square Soft, my favorite game developer) to see if it compares to Front Mission 3 for the PSX. Front Mission 3 was the first game in the Front Mission franchise to reach America from Japan. A turn-based giant robot tactical combat game, all battles take place on a grid with different elevations and you move your mecha around trying to out maneuver the "bad guys." A key moment in FM3 decides whose side your on, so you can play through and be either of the two (2) factions available. Very clever (and confusing because the second time through the "enemy" is now on your side) and included a fairly deep Internet simulation. You could go online in the game to an internal Internet Square Soft made and learn background details about the game, flesh out the history of the future, and hack different sites to gain special information and special parts for your mecha. I don't expect the DS version to be all that, but I'm looking forward to a little mech-on-mech action.
One of the science channels was showing a tornado special with "Storm Chasers" (those guys/gals rock), but there really wasn't anything during the show I didn't already learn from the movie Twister. A Michael Crichton (see http://www.crichton-official.com/) written/Spielberg produced action flick about a couple getting a divorce on the worst tornado day in Oklahoma. That's a lie, it's about a group of kick-ass "Storm Chasers" who hunt down every tornado in site and barely manage to survive each encounter. There's this love story thing but it's not important (of course it is, I'm being facetious). The main characters are all meteorology geeks that would do anything for their not so geek appearing leader, Bill "Game Over Man" Paxton. I must have seen this movie 20 or 30 times and this is the first time I noticed Dusty wears a Daredevil baseball cap, well before Ben Affleck tried to ruin the "double D". I probably can't totally blame Affleck, since I watched the director's cut and I liked it. Ben Affleck should just stick with Kevin Smith and leave it at that. This is a great movie showing how functional a gaggle of geeks doing their thing is. Each Storm Chaser is shown his own geeky obsession, including a brief Star Wars reference, but I think Dusty is more an adrenaline junky than anything. Of note is Captain Harriman of Enterprise-B plays Rabbit, the navigational geek, a role I enjoy on vacation.
I've never really been a fan of the collectible figure games like Mage Knight or even D&D, probably only because I don't know anyone who plays (okay, I own some Mage Knight). I did get into the Star Wars Starship game (I love Star Wars and all their little ships) and found the game decent, but figures take up way more space than card games or comic books. It's a pitiful complaint but I have to draw the line somewhere. Star Wars is a special case since I will collect almost anything Star Wars. Against my better judgment (what little I have) I bought a pack of the Pokemon and a pack of Halo figures. Pokemon looks f-ing confusing but Halo looks decent. I think I should develop a mix where Ash & Pikachu can face off against Master Chief and Grunties. "Cortana, I choose you." A Flood-infected Pikachu would make an awesome figure.
I've rattled on enough tonight. Nothing much on the Star Trek front except looking forward to "The Menagerie" in theaters, and the 2nd Star Trek manga is out. In high-school I used to wonder what Trek would look like if done by Japanese artists and I finally have my answer. Now lets see if they do an Anime version of Star Trek. I'll have to wait another decade or so. In the future I will start reviewing anime since I'm a huge Otaku (uhh, fanboy). Keep your wireless charged and see you next broadcast.
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Well, a long diverse conversation of topics between here and the moon. I was staring at the orange box this weekend and trying to convince myself that I don't need another gaming system, as I already have an addictive game that has siphoned more than 50 days (at 24 hours a pop there) of gaming in the last 2 years. I did however, get to jam on supereasy at Wal-mart to the 80's hit, and then also realize that GH3 comes out this week and you know me and slash, we go waaaaaay back. I did have the itch, and so forth, to bust out a tune or two and of course my kid keeps walking in front of the screen making it tough to hit a good score. Good blog though Mr. Rodgers. Oh, and the cool star wars ships - the new ones you make out of cards? Yea i broke most of mine trying to fit the 1/2 inch wings into the 1/4inch holes.... Send me an Electronic message telling me more about "The Menagrie" that aint' ST11 is it?
First!
Ok, sorry. And technically incorrect.
You couldn’t have chosen a better topic, or a better way to tackle it. The only thing I request is Doogie Howser-style emotional wrap-ups at the end of each entry…
"I guess Klingons…are capable of love"
I know im a post late, but slow timing is part of my charm.
The geek moniker and what it meant to me started becoming an issue when LOTR/Star Wars/The Matrix were all in theatres at the same time and midnight premiers were as common as Sunday matinees. You know that part in Jerry Mcguire when he starts realizing that both he and his job are fucked up? That’s what happened to me. In the early millennia, I would look around the crowded midnight theatres and see all kinds of people that I wouldn’t really label as ‘geek’. Then people started calling themselves geeks simply because they enjoy LOTR. These people did not deserve to call themselves that! I spent too much time trying to create the quantum leap handheld device out of old VCR parts just to be suddenly usurped by some jock who knows how to use Fandango. It struck me that the requirements for geekhood had been severely watered down in the eyes of the public. My hallowed ground was being tread upon by the hardly-worthy denizens of Hollister, and I was not happy.
So it’s good to see someone, especially you with your encyclopedic knowledge of most geekeries, tackling this issue. Too long has it scratched at the soft, pink underbelly of basement dwellers everywhere.
And I feel I must chime in once more, because guitar hero was mentioned. Like most geeks, I feel I have an elevated right to the fanhood of most things, and in this case, it’s Guitar Hero. In the late 90’s and early 2000’s, I lived at an arcade machine whose gameplay was suspiciously similar to that of guitar hero. I forget its name – it was something generic and Japanese like “super string commander OK yeah! #4 ”.
Guitar Hero (GH) is like any rhythm game you have played, be it Parappa or Britneys Dance Beat. GH just happens to employ a really fun prop that fits into the gameplay mechanic in the sense that it sinks one neck-deep into the experience. Sure, there are certain mechanics that make having those frets in a straight light necessary, but they are optional so we’ll ignore them.
There is a significant camp of idiots that bash GH, saying you might as well just learn to play a guitar and stop pretending. This is a silly and stupid thing to say, and these people need to apply that ignorant logic to the rest of their lives before they go bandying it about as a clever retort. It’s like saying every Wii game is stupid, and you should just go do the real thing. It’s synonymous with saying your Pizza Hut softball league is dumb and you should just join the Major Leagues. Ya know why people like GH? Because becoming awesome at the guitar is difficult and time consuming, and pretending you’re Eddie Vedder for 10 minutes a day is goddamned fun. And because real musicians are assholes.
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