WARNING! Difficulty Level May Block Game Play

The Chokepoint. Almost every game I've played has one. It can be at the beginning, like Driver, or at the end, like Metroid Prime. Heck, Viewtiful Joe is one long chokepoint. If a game lacks one I feel cheated. The game was too easy. But when I encounter one, I curse the game's creator to the 12 trials of Hercules (or at least great bodily harm). How dare he/she put me through this crap, I'm just trying to have fun here. The severity of the chokepoint is directly proportional to the amount yelling I do. I try to control myself, but somehow I firmly believe that my anger, my brief journey to the Dark Side, gives me strength to persevere. That, and what prize is on the other side. For, truly, the chokepoint is an obstacle to a greater goal; getting the next super-weapon, saving another princess, collecting a star/coin/triforce/bunny, finishing the game. And by chokepoint (CP), I mean an area or puzzle that just defies difficulty. Suddenly every Nazi on the planet knows you're hiding in that forest and shoot every square pixel of your body, exposed or not. I've seen some puzzles that require a Nobel Prize in physics, not to mention a new kind of calculus, to solve. I then ask myself, when I've calmed down with a beer, is this game worth it? I may blow the next hour trying desperately to memorize every move (ie Dragon's Lair) for a better suit of armor or a guardian fairy. Most of the time you have to beat the CP to continue, so if the game has been fun, most likely I'll continue, but if not, I'll loose interest immediately. Thanks to Achievements and Gamescore, if I get through a CP I'll get more points.

I am not unique in this, and I'm also a hypocrite. I need CPs but I hate them, because I feel cheated without them. They are like the green veggies of video gaming. However, a game needs to balance this. If passing through a CP gets me more of the same, I'm just grinding my enjoyment to a bloody, hatefilled, pulp. Another thing to consider is if there is a save point nearby or did you have to play a marathon before the CP, therefore negating all sorts of play time if you fail. This probably goes for everyone who plays, is this game worth the crap I'm about to go through. Half-Life 2 is definately that game, as are Halo, Call Of Duty, Medal Of Honor (usually) and Gears Of War. Where I have had trouble is with Fighting Games. Once you face the "Boss" in Dead Or Alive I can say I completed it. But there are all sorts of Achievements that require me to defeat the "Boss" with everyone multiple times. That's a CP I have to face 30 times. Not worth it. Fighting games are a different style of play, and I tend to prefer to play against real people, anyway. Chokepoints, you can't live with them, but you can usually shoot the hell out of everything in sight and move on to the next one. I hate Chokepoints. Apparently I'm a virtual masochist.

Digging around on the Internetwebs today I came across some interesting tidbits. Since I've been analyzing the issues of the PS3, I was interested to read about the console sales figures in September. Everyone else is selling almost 4 to 5 times as many units as the PS3 is able to sell. The Nintendo DS totally outsold PS3, not to mention PS2 and the PSP.

I miss Judgment Day on G4TV, and Tommy Tallarico's critical wit as he steered us clear of trivial nonsense and showed us a truer path to gaming goodness. He's no longer on TV but I found the next best thing. Yahtzee/Zero Punctuation game reviews by web video at this site, where he reviews MOH Airborne. He seems to hate everything, and half the time I can't really argue with him. Bloody brilliant.

Halo 3 and I are breaking up for a while, have gained everything I can out of her multiplayer experience. I've gone about as far as I can with her, and I see no reason to waste more time trying to gain rank and not Gamescore. I'm a Gamescore Whore after all and I can't be tied down to one game for too long. Wow, that got weird for a second. Anyway, someone else began to have the similar problems with online play and wrote this article on suicide bombers in Halo. I have a life, too, really.

The SR-71 Blackbird is the proof of concept that engineers are the coolest geeks on the planet, and not just because my grandpa used to work with them. The reason this aircraft's top speed is classified is that it was never found. Everytime the Russians flew something faster, we just stepped on the peddle a little harder. The design was ahead of its time and now its been retired. So, once again the name has surfaced, this time controlled by Voodoo. The Voodoo Blackbird is quite possibly the most advanced gaming computer built to date. And it plays the latest Graphic-Crunching, Physics-Bending, Frame-Frate hogging game, Crysis, with ease. And, of course, being the gamer I am, I want Crysis, but I basically have to buy a $5,500 Voodoo Blackbird console for a $50 game. Or wait five years and home computers will be just as good, with Windows Vista XP 2K10 Pro or some such and 5 TB RAID harddrives to match 60 GB of MagnoNeuroRAM. If you pre-order Crysis before next week, at a Gamestop, you can get a nifty toy tank thing that reminds me of the APC from Aliens. See you next broadcast.

"Alien vs. Predator" or "Fans vs. Brothers Strause"

Alien vs. Predator has no doubt left a bad taste in the mouths of many fans. I applaud (more a golf clap) their attempted continuity between the two (2) franchises, but I thought this was already accomplished in Predator 2 when a shot of the Pred's trophy case included a Xenomorph head. It was nice to see the A's and P's at work again, too bad they didn't do anything entertaining. I still blame this in large part to the PG-13 rating, just to make it appeal to an age group that wasn't alive yet to see any of the prequels, save Resurrection, in theaters. I still hold out hope for another good A or P movie again, so AvP-R looks like my next chance. Since it's rated R that solved one of my issues, and the previews show a number of Predator weapons used to gory effect. I'll give this one the benefit of the doubt for the time being. The above picture comes from IGN's website. Hopeful I will not incur the wrath of the Predalien for borrowing their image.

Speaking of Sci-Fi movies, a surprise entry to theaters November 12. Battlestar Galactica Razor will be seen two (2) weeks before its debut on Sci-Fi channel in select cities FOR FREE, thanks to MicroSoft. I can't remember where I read it, but it's true, if anything is to be believed on the web. And the following day, November 13, is when "The Menagerie" debuts in theaters. And on the Sci-Fi TV front more news of Star Wars On TV. The gist is this: 100 45 minute episodes (about 4 years) with a possible expansion to 400 & Boba Fett will be present. A previous rumor mill produced these gems: The series will happen between Eps III and Star Wars (I refuse to call it Episode IV); Pod Racing is back; Thall Joban (a character from Droids) will be highlighted as a Pod Racer; Rebs & Imps and the war before Luke & Leia get involved; Expanded Universe (EU) tie-ins; Bib Fortuna & Oola; Death Star Plans; the series tone should be like the Holy Trilogy and showing neither good, nor bad guys but people caught up in events. Family Guy's succesful Blue Harvest/Star Wars episode was so popular that a plan is in motion for an Empire Strikes Back episode. For those that missed the FG episode it will be on DVD by December or something. My sources are vague, and I don't really remember.

Remember when a couple Canadian Doctors quit the practice and made a game company, in 1995, that eventually spawned one of the greatest Star Wars RPGs? If you said BioWare, and their wunderkindt Knights Of The Old Republic (KOTOR), then your geek memory is fully functional. Well, recently MicroSoft (boo) sold BioWare off and they were absorbed by the forces of Sauron known as EA. BioWare (prior to the sale) has joined forces with LucasArts for a new MMO. Who cares, right? We're talking BioWare here, people. I don't think they've made a bad game yet: Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, KOTOR, Jade Empire. Rumor has it that the new MMORPG will be a KOTOR setting. The original KOTOR was so good it even spawned a comic by Dark Horse.

Tomorrow is supposed to start a writers strike, as if TV can't get bad enough. When things do get bad enough just watch Halo Landfall and imagine what the cancelled movie would look like with Peter Jackson at the helm. Once you stop drooling over the pretty weapons, look at the European Wii crossbow thingy. I want. I don't Even have a Wii and I want it. While watching CSI last night, one of the episodes with the lovely and talented Lady Heather, a reference was made to a fictitious website called ladyheather.com. I, of course, immediately checked it out and it took me straight to the CSI site on CBS. Way to go CBS for finding a way to count all the CSI fans who are perverts. I'm not a pervert, I was just curious, is all, yeah, see, yeah.

Sony keeps trying to come up with new ways to sell PS3s and a new game this month tries a daring experiment. Eye Of Judgment (in conjunction with Hasbro & WOTC) is a CCG and a Video Game, with its own included EyeToy to scan cards you have and play out a game with the 5 or 6 other people in the world who bought it. It sounds interesting in theory and I do like crossover concepts, but this thing sounds complicated. I've read some gameplay reviews and such and there seems to be a decent amount of strategy involved, but there's a lot of prep work to play this game. Booster packs are supposed to be sold separately for the CCG side of Eye Of Judgment and I may collect those as soon as I figure out who sells them. I'm really not knocking this game it just sounds ambitious and crazy. I miss playing CCGs and every once in a while I buy a pack of Magic cards to get that new card smell on me again. For those that still follow the Pokemon CCG a new set is due out soon called "Secret Wonders". I remember playing this when the game first came out and it was a little confusing, but seemed okay, nothing like the rich potential of the Star Wars CCG. A couple years back, I tried Yu-Gi-Oh, but I was not impressed and it just made me flashback to good card games I've played. I have tried Yu-Gi-Oh in several flavors (US TV and manga) and the only version I liked was the manga. It was dark, and Yugi messed with people. He got beat up at school every day and would then play a game with them to enact a sort of revenge. One dude he poured Vodka on and lit him on fire. Great stuff. I want to see that episode.

Some days I'm no good at gaming and tonight was my night. The brilliant puzzle-shooter Portal vexes me with its advanced puzzle mode. After swearing at my lack of brain power I gave up gaming in lieu of a six part Mars program narrated by Captain Kirk. Excellent show. Before I go to bed tonight I'm going to try one mission of Ace Combat 6. This franchise was meant for anyone who watched Top Gun and thought, I could do that. The "Need For Speed" of my generation was not "The Fast And The Furious", it was "Top Gun", and we needed only one, not three movies to drive home the kind of speed I need. Lets see, a Grumman F-14 or a Mitsubushi Eclipse. And don't tell me I also have Stealth 'cause I barely call that a movie. Guitar Hero III just came out and I need to bite the bullet and get it. I have nothing against the series, yet I'm reticent to drop $100 on a game I might not like. Parappa The Rapper, Space Channel 5, and Frequency all used the controller, and I wonder if I have the skill to use a fake guitar to play real music. If I can't face my Guitar Hero fear than I might as well get Naruto, which is actually getting good reviews, a surprise for a Manga-turned-Anime series. Once again, I've seen the show and read the Manga and I prefer the Manga over the watered down American version. And if I had an up-to-date PC tower (I write this on a laptop) I would definately get Crysis. It's one of those games that begs for a top end machine. Nothing like spending $5,000 to play a game. That's dedication. Maybe I'll risk a demo download.

And lastly I came across the most un-useless invention of our modern lives. For all the none of us that have an iPhone (the "i" is pronounced "Jesus") because we are too afraid to scratch, mar, or dirty the hypnotyzing beauty of the screen; that and the $10,000 price tag. Well never fear, some people with too much latex in their possession, have invented iPhone Fingers. I'm sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. That's all for now. I'm going to absorb some gaming knowledge from G4. See you next broadcast.