After three days of concerted effort and a little lost sleep, I finally put the game to rest. My goal, get the achievement for sitting through the end credits. The task, to finish one of the worst reviewed games I have ever played. So much has been written about the issues with Duke Nukem Forever, I don't feel like treading over a well-worn path. I would instead like to share some of the good things about this game that may be overlooked. Then again, "good" is a relative word.
First off, Duke Nukem Forever is technically a video game. I like video games, therefore on some level I automatically like playing this game. As an FPS I like the familiar controls and you get most of the achievements on the Xbox 360 version (and I assume trophies for PS3) just playing it through once on Normal. The chapter structure of the game does allow you to replay older levels looking of Ego boosting items which are added to your current campaign play, Ego being your life meter.
Second, you are moving through the narrative one chapter at a time, like most FPS's these days, and each level has at least a few seconds where there is good gameplay to be had. For instance a driving level requires you to race down a busted freeway, then at key scripted moments you have to dismount and find gas cans while having a running gun fight in an old western town. One of the better moments in the game, as is the final endgame escape from Hoover Dam that reminded me of the end of the first Metroid.
Thirdly, The voice work of Duke Nukem is the best dub-work in the game and tends to fit everything that's going on. There must be two dozen one-liners worth of material as you shoot every one in sight. This is the most entertaining part of the game. I tend to comment on my games as I play them (which might be a habit I developed in the early 90's from Duke anyway), so it was quite relaxing not to have to use my own one-liners. At one point we both (Duke and I) said the same epithet at the same time. Quite invigorating. And this voice work is used to make lots of action movie, pop-culture references. Some make fun of much better games, but I thought it was slightly more clever than rude. Many, however, didn't like all the derisive comments to Half Life, Halo, and Gears of War, but since I didn't take this game seriously (as much as the game takes itself super-seriously) I wasn't offended.
Number four, the disc starts with slo-mo rolling craps dice showing all the different game companies involved, while generic heavy metal plays in the background, that fits the character style but is woefully lost after the American flag-waving title screen. Also, after you complete the game, you unlock some extras that include a complete time line of the 15+ years of game development.
Last on the list, The final boss fight was actually on the fun side of challenging. Once you learn the attack pattern, the battle is a rewarding challenge to get through, even in the hectic end-game with everyone shooting at you without any cover. Almost every other boss fight felt cheap on some level, to the point most defeats are just pure luck. The first boss fight is kind of handed to you though.
There is so much wrong in between these little things that I can barely recommend Duke Nukem Forever to anyone, unless they have a morbid curiosity of the triple-breasted alien-queen or the one-eyed snake boss battles. The sexual innuendo, and not so blatant sex acts, are kind of funny the first time, but just get worse as the game goes on. The aliens want revenge for Duke kicking them off the planet in the last game, so they show up to kidnap every hot babe, with large mammary glands, in sight. This upsets Duke greatly who, instead of killing every alien around to save the Earth, only wants his favorite girls back, the Molsen Twins (named for the beer I suppose... oh wait... those girls from that show... ewww). Something like that, as the plot really isn't any stronger than that.
As you start to see bad things about the game it cascades into deeper and deeper issues. The load times between levels, or checkpoint reloading after you die again and again, are unbearable. I can't think of another game this generation that has had loads in excess of 30 seconds each. At least the load screen gives you half-a-dozen pithy messages to help you play better: "if you fall to your death, it's your own fault", "while being shot at, avoid bullets" and "If you are stuck look up a game FAQ online". I think original Halo had some load times… on the first Xbox. And what is it loading? The graphics form in the first few seconds on the new level, instead of being ready AFTER 40 SECONDS. In the mean time you're playing around in a world of grey clay models. That is if the framerate doesn't drop to the unplayable level of 1fps or slower. Only happened a couple times, but you suffer greatly. Not that the game looks to be in HD, but more like a slightly better rendered Xbox game. For some reason all the colors seemed very bland to me, some levels almost seemed like black and white. Maybe that was my TV, but there was no gamma controls in the options, only brightness.
The non-Duke voice acting is awful, as is the character models and the no-dimensional characters, except maybe the kid who general seemed excited to get your autograph in the first level. And the use of NPC's gets horrific when you're expected to smack webbed-up dead bodies to drop ammo you need. I won't get into the naked, bondage babes that suffer the indignity of Chest-Bursters from Alien, all screaming and crying, making for an ugly level to endure. Okay, so I did mention it. Sorry. I'm trying to warn anyone playing this game what to expect.
It's not all shooting pigcops and tentacle-brain things, there is also platforming. It is really hard to implement good platforming in an FPS (see Portal for a perfect gameplay example) and Duke Nukem Forever wasn't even close. Most of the time I didn't even know where the game wanted me to go. I just went somewhere and died, then tried again in a different direction. This becomes even more of a pain in the ass when you get shrunk to doll size. I don't remember that in the original games, but it is so out of place here. Why is that even something aliens would use against me? Shooting at me was doing the job just fine. Why shrink me so I can be eaten by rats? Such an uninspired idea. It's all scripted, too, so it's not like you can choose to shrink to solve one of the few platforming puzzles in the game.
But, many times you are just fighting aliens, so you get locked in a room where you can be jumped from anywhere. I especially hated the jet-pack people that teleport when shot and appear behind you to teleport again when you shoot them. There's a special place in hell for the dude that thought that one up. Or some gorilla looking dudes come running at you in a such a crappy framerate you can't even shoot them before tackling Duke. Don't worry, there are also a couple turret moments to make you annoyed with something new. I did enjoy the one on-rails turret area that seemed right out of Modern Warfare. Then again you have unlimited ammo and I don't think you can die, which is even more irritating than normal. Your screen cracks red, you can't see what's happening, then another load screen pops up.
Much of what you are seeing and doing seems haphazardly put together, like lots of different people had lots of different ideas for lots of different gameplay, but never enough time to polish anything, so everything got thrown in the blender without thought. Deadlines must be a b***h in the game development world. If they never come out with another sequel that would be fine, but if one company can do one game in a couple years it would be a vast improvement. The best I can say is it's good for achievements. But, for those that track these things, the "jiggle physics" is well realized.
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