If We Don't Shop At GameStop, The Terrorists Win

The following anecdote occured last week.

My chest swelled with pride. I may have found a way to stop the terrorists once and for all. It all started two (2) days before (on a Monday), when I received an eMail from the homoginous, mutant, love child that is the merger/absorbtion of EB and GameStop. I "heart" EB and I can't fathom why they all mutated into GameStops. GameStops themselves were harmless with EB on the block; you see, they were located in between EBs (like how there are two (2) Starbucks located between every Dunkin' Donuts). Then they started replacing EB's. One after another they tumbled. The average consumer was oblivious to this. The Edge card, that gave you discounts, would now work at the new place and warrantees carried over. All blissfully letting EB quietly disappear.

My eMail, which still showed the name EB to further confuse me, told me Clive Barker's Jericho was to be released the following day (Tuesday). I waited the alotted 24 hours, and entered the store. I have many stores to chose from between my work and home, but through trial-and-error I've come to like only one. For some reason all the Xbox 360 titles are in the back of the store, so I wound my way to the back and scanned the racks. The game should be located alphabetically around "C" or "J". My heart fell when I was on "R" and, still, I did not see it. (Not even the "Coming Soon" rack had it.) So I approached the counter. I don't know why I feel abject failure whenever I have to find an employee for something. Maybe it's because I just couldn't see it in the maze of games, or they're out of it and I have to accept the fact there aren't any more in the back room. The latter reason seems unlikely because the game is f-ing new and they should get, like, 100 of them. But first, one must go to the counter to determine all this. So I ask. Then they answer. "Sorry, it comes out tomorrow." This is after he consults a computer. (You mean he doesn't know when his products come out.) "Tomorrow means Wednesday, and this is Tuesday, the day the game comes out", I thought.

"I'll be back tomorrow" I relented. "Why don't you pre-order?", asks the clerk. "For a game coming out in less than 24 hours. I'll take my chances," my vaguely sarcastic answer came forth. "Why chance it? You only need to put down $5." responded clerk. This guy was good, not rattled by my negativism. Seeing I was about to be witty in a aggressive/sarcstic way, he deplored, "If you pre-order you will be helping other customers. For every pre-order we have, we receive more copies for the floor." Wow, that makes sense in some way. I could either buy a game, or pre-order and help others find it on game shelves. He then went on about other benefits, but I interrupted him to try to save consumer-face (Hey, you weren't there, you didn't see the eyes of the other customers around me), "Look, I'll pre-order, but this better help win the Global War On Terror." I saw the first sparkle in his eyes as if he just woke up from a trance. "You're right, if you don't buy a game, the terrorists win." My epiphany struck, that the more games people buy, presumably the more they play. If they are playing more they aren't paying attention to what terrorists are (or aren't) doing, thus stripping them of their power. If you ignore them they'll go away. If not they will come at you stronger and gaming has given you all the training you need to fight terrorists on the street. Look at the games coming out this season; MOH: Airborne, Stranglehold, Blazing Angels 2, HALO 3, Half-Life 2, Ace Combat 6, Super Mario Galaxy, Call Of Duty 4 (watch this special movie), Mass Effect, Army Of Two, TimeShift, Kane & Lynch, Metal Gear Solid 4. Alright, maybe not Mario. It's like The Last Starfighter. This revelation made me forget the fact I was pissed at the discrepency between game release day and GameStop's "street date."

On Wednesday, I walked back in the store and bought my copy of Help Save The Planet From Terrorists. On the GameStop subject apparently they are losing money on defective Xbox 360s (good job Micro-Imperial-Soft) so they no longer let you have anything more than the MS warrantee. I actually don't know if this is good or not. At this site I also learned that copies of Super Mario's Excellent Galactic Adventure will be put in the demo Wii's but employees must not let people get far in the game in case the customers take pictures of the game before people who actually buy it can see them. WTF? Maybe this is a normal reaction for them, but just put a reset on the power cord that kills power, like every 30 minutes or something. I've been in stores that do this, it ain't that hard. I didn't know Mario was classified. Maybe the game contains sectret code like in Cloak & Dagger.

Yesterday, try as I might, I couldn't get any achievements. So today a put in Ace Combat 6 and flew the not-so-friendly skies over Emmeria (America) trying to defend our way of life from the Estovakians (cold-war Soviets). It seems that an asteroid broke up in high Earth orbit and gave Emmeria a nice shower to watch. In Estovakia the meteors rained destruction and chaos. Once "The Generals" took charge of the country a decision was made to covet thy neighbors property (ie Emmeria). Since the Estovakian natural resources have all but been destroyed they looked upon bountiful Emmeria, and launched an attack. Here's where you step in. For a little taste of the game, see their site here. Flying is incredible, the mission replay is photo-realistic, and the After Action Report is worthy of the Top Gun/Red Flag debreifings. An attempt was made to show what life on the ground was like while you ply the skies, but due to vague voice acting (I'm really hard on voice actors), and constant references to "dancing with angels," it comes off like a separate entity. You are presented with a mother and daughter that I thought was the reason I was fighting, but it looks like they are the movie and I'm the action, and we never meet. I hope I'm wrong, so I'll continue to report on them. If you have so much as looked at a Top Gun poster in your life you need this game.

Its Halloween and startrek.com has posted a list of episodes and movies that seem in the spirit. J.J. Abrams still hasn't picked his Pike yet. (That didn't sound so dirty in my mind.) I still think Bones should be played by Gary Sinise and Karl Urban should instead play Pike. Josh Lucas has been rumored to be up for Pike. This must be some movie. I'll have to do some research but I don't think the TOS crew were all in the Academy at the same time. At best Pike, Spock, and Scotty would be on the Enterprise together. If they were doing that, then we would at least have heard who might play Number One. If she was to be in the movie, Majel Barret could, like, totally reprise the older character so we know what happens to her. That would be a cool geek moment, when Number One gets fleshed out for the first time in over 40 years. For those non-Trekkers out there I'm not refering to Riker, but the original XO of Enterprise under Pike's command. Kirk also has a brother (who died in "Operation: Annihilate!"), who looks just like him, but with a mustache. Maybe we'll even get a cannon reference to Captain Robert April. Kirk served on the USS Farragut as a line officer under Captain Garrovick, so maybe he's there to? Any chances of new Starfleet ship designs? So many possibilities. See you next broadcast.